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One of you is feeling amorous. There may be a longstanding pattern in your relationship or you may no turns being in the mood. Either way, unequal levels of desire can cause difficulties, ranging from feelings of rejection to resentment to anger.

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Or, they may not be as interested in sex, she said, especially if they have gained weight, have heart disease or experience erectile problems. Dudley Danoff, a urologist and founder soemthing the Cedars-Sinai Tower Urology Medical Group in Los Angeles, said the problem is more common for men — who have a higher level of sexual desire than women, on average.

And, waht course, you might be tempted to look elsewhere for sex. Problems with sexual desire are the number one reason couples seek therapy, said Barry McCarthy, a psychologist and co-author with his wife of Rekindling Desire.

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Women are often unfairly blamed for the sexual problems in a relationship, McCarthy said. But as men get to age 50 and beyond, many pull away from sex because of performance anxiety spurred by erectile and orgasm issues. However, soemthing sex provokes conflict, it takes on an inordinately powerful role, destabilizing the relationship.

The best approach is honest communication, Danoff said. Educate your partner. Both partners should talk about what they like to do and what makes them feel good.

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Bring touch. McCarthy suggests thinking of five dimensions of touch: Schwartz agrees.

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Another piece of advice: An example? Experiment with toys. Lower blood flow to the genitals, combined with diminished production of both testosterone and estrogen, can make it harder for women to reach orgasm, Schwartz said in a recent article for AARP.

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Consider physical causes. Men should realize that research shows erectile dysfunction may be an early warning sign of heart problems.

Talk openly about your doctor to find treatments for both issues if necessary. For women, menopause and the resulting drop in estrogen can cause vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. There are products and treatments that can help, such as over-the-counter lubricant and prescription estrogen creams.

Ask for help. If you and your partner have tried unsuccessfully to have a better sex life, you may need professional help. Read more from Next Avenue: US Edition Sorrj.

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By Emily Gurnon. Repression Doesn't Work. Trying to repress the sexual feelings is the wrong approach, he said.

Rekindling the Flame. Try these ideas for putting that spark back into your love life: Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. Join HuffPost Plus.